Chalk and Boss Of It All

If you know me at all, you know I love to watch movies from other countries. There are not so many stipulations about what can be shown or said in a "foreign" movie. Also, just because you are a main character doesn't keep you from dying in the end.

Another reason I love foreign movies is because I am trying to learn at least ONE new language, so testing the continuity between what the subtitle says and what the actual character has just spoken can be some fun.

I recently watched two movies, one of which is NOT a foreign film but might as well have been and the other was Danish.

Let's take a look at the cover for Chalk shall we?



(I apologize for the lack of color ... stupid scanner here at work only does black and white)

The important part to notice here is the review quotes. See that word "comedy"? Yeah so did I. Then I watched the movie. The only comedy in this movie is that word there on the front.

Yeah, moving on... The Boss of it All... a Danish film.



Again look closely at the crappy black and white scan of the cover. See it there? Comedy appears TWICE!!! as well as the word FUNNY!!!!
How could I possibly lose on this one!

The premise (reading the synopsis) also seems like it has great potential!

Apparently, Danish comedy is only funny to Danes. Either that or this stunk so bad in Denmark they shipped all the copies here for free! Either way ...
There are a couple small funny bits in the movie and a decent (albeit short) sex scene, but other than that...meh. When the movie opens with the director telling you that you being able to see HIM in the reflection of the window of the building in the first shot was intentional because it's funny ... well ... laugh it up !! The movie is edited as stupidly as the camera shots are all throughout. So occasionally a person may be standing in a room and the next shot ... gone ... as if they just teleported out of the room. Yup, I knew you'd be rolling on the floor with laughter. Seriously, if you really are, go check this movie out ... you'll love it!

Personally, though I think Capt. Picard summed it up best when he watched it and immediately exclaimed ...

Read any good movies lately?

It is a well known fact, er, you know, if you like know me and stuff it's well known, that I like "foreign" movies. It's possible you could call me a "subtitle junkie". If you are my wife, however, you might just call me "stupid". You see, unlike me, she can't stand most of my movie choices. By most I mean 99.9999% and "can't stand" should probably be read "hates". It probably doesn't help, of course, that I have a Netflix "3-at-a-time" subscription and a library card that allows me to get 10 movies at a time.

I think probably the biggest draw I have to these kinds of movies are two fold. I love movies in other languages. (Oh, how I wish I'd paid more attention in French class in school). I actually LEARN things. I know enough words in about 3 languages that on occasion I can tell if the subtitles are CORRECT or not. I know, this is not good enough to carry on a conversation, but I'm working on that too (post for another time perhaps).

The other reason I like these movies is that other cultures do not have the same ideals when it comes to movie making. For example, in order to have a good movie, the main characters don't have to live happily ever after, in fact, they don't have to live at all. Movies from other cultures aren't as obsessed about what they can say OR do on screen. Whether it's creepy, gory, oddly twisted, or interlaced with sex, you will see things that you just can't see in a North American movie. It is the one way that you can actually get pr0n from the library! Yeah foreign flicks!

My point? Well, besides the fact that you know more about me now? I decided that I would on occasion fill this empty void of a blog with a review of such movies. This is partly so that you folks that read this (all 3 of you) can check out some of the better movies if so desired, but mostly it's so I don't have to wallow in the pain of a really crappy movie all by myself! I have to tell SOMEONE! Lucky you! No...don't leave...come back ... I'm sorry ... I promise they will be short and possibly entertaining. At least as much as can be expected from me.

~Fin~

Oddest Warranty Return

So I didn't shop at Jared. However, the Xmas gift I got my wife still put a smile on her face.

Since I know you are all asking, "Pusher, what fantastic gift did you get your wife that made her smile so?"

Let me tell you! I got her THIS (NSFW - for the love of all that is good, don't click this link with your boss standing right there ... PLEASE ... I beg of you!)

I freakin' told you! What were you thinking! Jeez!

So I get this thing and get it home. Get it wrapped and put it under the tree so she can open it ... YEAH RIGHT! She did not get this gift to open in front of the children and her mother! What kind of fool do you take me for!?

So anyway ... some days go by and we finally get a chance to try out her new "toy". Guess what? Dang how'd you know! The freakin' "Turbo pearls" don't ... well ... turbo.
Not only do they not turbo ... they don't even turtle, crawl, quiver ... nothing ... they don't budge! Dang it! Okay, it has a warranty card which I can fill out online and then return it.

This bad boy is in a package large enough I have to take it to the post office ... god I hope he doesn't recognize the name of the company! (The company name that it gets sent to is NOT California Exotics, just for the record). What's that? Do I want to insure it? Um ... do I have to tell you what it is? No? Sure I'll insure it. Whew! Close one!

Yeah, just a little awkward ... but ... $20 extra (shipping and insurance and RETURN shipping costs) it's back ... well NOT the same one ... but a NEW one just like it ... and the pearls ... oh yeah , they turbo!

Long Post Divided By 2 = Short Post + Short Post

Yes that title totally blows. No sleep remember? You don't like it? Cover it up with a little whiteout ...

Um....let's try this again. Where did I leave off? What's that you say? Oh yeah! Thanks!

So here are some of the movies I've seen. I'm not going to review them for you, but I will give you my BRIEF opinion on most of them.

The Descent - Scary? A few scenes caused certain members of my family to obtain airtime from their seats on the couch. Relatively good mix of scary and gory.

Boy Eats Girl - No this is not one of THOSE movies! It is supposed to be a sorta stupid, funny zombie movie. They got the stupid part right! Oh yeah ... and I guess they got the zombie part right too. I guess 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Crank - Pissed off hitman? The trailer made me wanna see this. The result? Disappointing. They so could have done so much more with this movie. However, definitely worth watching just for the Chinatown scene!

Blood and Chocolate - Dang! I almost forgot to mention this one! Nobody sparkles!

Bound - Jennifer Tilly! Now I just need to get my wife to watch it with me so we can try out the Xmas present that we just got back. The oddest warranty return ever, but that's another story.

Oh There You Are!

I know I've been totally negligent and I apologize. I have to admit that there hasn't seemed to be any really interesting stupidity happen lately and as you may (or may not know), I seem to do better here when I have stupid people or things to write about.

So I know you are asking yourself, what the heck you been up to Pusher? What? You didn't ask? Too bad. I'm gonna tell you anyway.

The number one time consumer these days is the major project at work. It's one of those where there is a crapload of stuff to get done in a short amount of time and apparently they expect me to actually work! Oh the humanity!

When I'm home it doesn't seem like I get much time to myself as I always seem to have math homework to help with. Oh the curse of being fairly decent at math! I'll be so glad when my daughter is DONE with glide-reflections.

I have recently started again to take advantage of the 10 dvd rental limit by the local library. I used to do this all the time and then we got Netflix and it stopped. Now I'm being totally insane and doing both, so at any given time I have 13 or so movies to watch.

When the crap do you have time for that? I KNOW! Let me tell you. Mostly my movie watching time is lying in bed when you and I both know I really should be sleeping or ... yeah sleeping. So conking out at 1 or 2 in the morning seems to be a horrible trend I'm falling into. It's possible this may catch up to .....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... er ... sorry ... where was I? Oh yeah. So I'm an idiot ... sue me!

There's more but I'll spare you now ... I HATE long posts ... come on people I read your stuff at work. I don't have the time to read a novel. I can't be the only person in this position ... so ... SHORT!