Stupid People Untie!

The news last night teased this article all the way to the last segment. Wow, that sounds all kind of wrong. Anyway, so I waited through all the other crap they show on the news, robberies, deaths, weather, sports, all that other happy fun stuff to find out what the big deal with this was. Here is an article from the NY daily news explaining it.

Um....yeah...I'm sure I don't have to go into any kind of rant about how stupid these people are, what they've done to their children and "OMG! Why are we being treated this way!" (ok i paraphrased there but ... still.)

Have we had anything to drink tonight?

Note to self: Letting your 13 and 11 year old have a shot at driving from the passenger seats at midnight on the way home will result in being pulled over by a State Trooper, 30 seconds from your house, for driving like a drunk ass!

I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore!

The events of the last two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind. Ha! Whirlwind! Tornado! Kansas! er ... yeah ... sorry! Just amusing myself ... NOT LIKE THAT!!! Come on now you freaks! Give it a rest!

So last week I flew to Kansas City ... Missouri. I know! Who knew? I didn't realize that Kansas City had a multiple personality disorder.

I have to admit they are quite blunt in Kansas / Missouri (my apologies for not knowing WHICH state I was in at the time. The border between these two states is ridiculous. You can travel on a single highway and pass from state to state repeatedly.)

Sign at the state line reads. NOW LEAVING KANSAS. COME BACK.
Trust me, I'm gonna be on this highway for a while. I'll be back.

Here in Ohio we have constructions signs that are quite boring. They simply say something to the effect of "Speeding Fines doubled in construction area" ... blah, blah, blah.

Pennsylvania (I believe) has cute signs that look like they are written in crayon that say something to the effect of "be careful, my daddy works here".

The signs I saw there no my trip REALLY caught my attention. They were construction orange with black lettering and read ...

KILL A WORKER!

Really! I'm getting permission here? They must have a high road construction worker turnover. Plus, how does anything get done ... oh...wait. UNDER the very visible ORANGE sign ... is a smaller less-stand-outish white sign that says "$10,000 and loss of license" or some such thing.

So what you are saying is. If my house gets sucked up into a tornado with me and my dog inside and I get flung into Kansas and land on a wicked witch BUT she happens to be wearing a safety vest and in a construction zone I'm screwed!?

The rest of the crazy week panned out like this.

Spent 2 days in Kansas, girls had softball all week, plus it is the week before our fair and they are both in 4H. Completed 4H stuff on the weekend. This week they have been at the fair all week winning an assortment of pretty colored ribbons. Only 1 blue one so far, but placing nonetheless. It's all good.

The month from hell is nearly over. Whew!

Are We Insane?

Okay, before everyone hits the comment section without reading the rest of this, don't answer that!

When we signed up our little girl (11) to be on a traveling softball team it seemed like such a good idea at the time. I know this is going to seem like a "yeah but you're her dad so you're gonna say that" moment, but, she really is an amazing player. She holds a grasp of the game that amazes us. Apparently, we used to have a quite athletic mailman! (I'll pause for a second to let that one sink in.)

I'm not displeased with the way things have gone. She's learned a lot and to be honest we've gotten a LOT for the money we had to pay at the beginning. 3 uniforms, bat bag, helmet, cleats and entry into a bunch of tournaments.

However, we are also in a "league". This league plays on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the coach plans on using these games as "practice" for the tournaments on the weekends. Again this is all fine, (besides the fact that only Monday and Wednesday most weeks she doesn't play -- yeah 5 out of 7 days are softball) except that the team s we play are not exactly CLOSE to home. The team we play tonight is an hour and half drive from my house. She has to be there by 5:30p. This means my wife, GOD BLESS HER, will be leaving work at 3pm to run home, get my daughters, turn around and drive again for 1.5 hours where we'll watch softball from 6pm until 9pm (yes it's a double-header) then drive again 1.5 hours home. If you have the simple math skills you know what this means ... if you don't I'll spell it out. We would get home at 10:30pm tonight. Assuming we actually stop somewhere to EAT ... later than that. Let's hope they have no school work. Oh yes, still in school ... so going to get home 10:30pm or later on a SCHOOL NIGHT !!!! Probably a good thing there are only two days left of school.

Okay, go ahead ... answer the question now ... not that I don't know what the answer is!!!

It's All About How You Say It.

The other day as we were all sitting around the dinner table part of the conversation led to tools and someone mentioned that that was a man thing (implying that men + tools = happy man). I said "yeah, man-tools" then after a short pause... "I have ALL the man-tools I need". The conversation went on it's merry way ... then it clicked with my 11 year old daughter who snapped her head up from her homework with a resounding "EWWWWWWWW!"
I LOVE the children being this age!

Big Mac Attack

Here's the scene. In my hand I hold a coupon. I know, I know, a man with a coupon...already this story doesn't sound plausible. Just for the record the wife and kids were with me too. Wife = coupon book. So, really, I have a coupon. It says FREE Big Mac with the purchase of an Extra Value Meal.

I hand the coupon to the cashier and tell her I'd like a #1 (Big Mac Extra Value Meal).

Cashier (reads the coupon): You have to order an extra value meal.

Me (didn't I just?): Yes, a #1.

Cashier: And you want another Big Mac?

Me (isn't that what the coupon says?): Um, yeah.

Is it just me or does McDonald's need to stop making their coupons so complicated?