Stupid People Untie!

The news last night teased this article all the way to the last segment. Wow, that sounds all kind of wrong. Anyway, so I waited through all the other crap they show on the news, robberies, deaths, weather, sports, all that other happy fun stuff to find out what the big deal with this was. Here is an article from the NY daily news explaining it.

Um....yeah...I'm sure I don't have to go into any kind of rant about how stupid these people are, what they've done to their children and "OMG! Why are we being treated this way!" (ok i paraphrased there but ... still.)

Oh Really? How Is That Exactly?

As I'm sitting in McDonald's today, eating my lunch alone ... yes i suck, I have no friends... I did the only thing a loner sitting in McDonald's could do, I read the cup. Give me a break, it's new, I had to!

"Doing More By Using Less.
McDonald's is proud to be honored ... blah, blah, blah ... and keeps working to further reduce paper waste, save energy, ... "

Wait, what?

Reducing paper waste? It must be true, it was written right on the side of my paper cup, sitting on the paper liner of the tray, beside my paper Big Mac box and the empty paper fry container and the two (okay I'm also a slob) paper napkins and my paper receipt.

Yup, I'm Lovin' It!

Netflix picks

Browsing my Netflix today and glanced through some of the recommendations. I think they have some work to do with the system that decides what movies you would like. Here they are. I'm not gonna post links to all of these so if you want to look them up to see how absurd these are feel free, I'll wait!

Suggestion: Another Gay Movie
because I enjoyed: Sister Act

Suggestion: Boy Culture
because I enjoyed: Sister Act

Suggestion: Rush-A Show of Hands
because I enjoyed: MXC Season 2

Suggestion: Born Into Brothels
because I enjoyed: Princess Mononoke

Suggestion: The Corporation
because I enjoyed: Princess Mononoke

Suggestion: Enron-The Smartest Guys In The Room
because I enjoyed: Spinal Tap

There are a bunch more but that gives you some idea. I'm trying to figure out why Sister Act triggers the Gay and Lesbian genre?

Some help please?

I apologize, it's been crazy here and I haven't gotten a chance to spew details about things going on. I will in the very near future ... I promise!

In the meantime, I had to at least get on here and leave you with this little bit of information.

Yesterday at a gas station, a woman and her two children came inside, pre-paid for the gas and then immediately asked for help because she didn't know how to pump gas.

I'm just gonna leave that one right where it is for you to contemplate.
:)

Have we had anything to drink tonight?

Note to self: Letting your 13 and 11 year old have a shot at driving from the passenger seats at midnight on the way home will result in being pulled over by a State Trooper, 30 seconds from your house, for driving like a drunk ass!

Up With Stupid! Part 2

So they are working on part of the freeway. Normally it looks like this ...



Apparently they are working on this bridge.
What they did was close the "exit" part of the ramps on both sides and ran two lanes of traffic down one ramp and back UP the other ramp. There are signs posted EVERYWHERE that say "MAINTAIN PRESENT LANE" and "ALL LANES THRU". I've tried to help you with what this looks like with a picture. Keep in mind, they re-lined the road so TWO lanes of traffic take the "ramp" and ONE lane moves straight through. They ALL end up on the other side of the bridge in the same place though. No worries.

Red and green arrows indicate traffic direction, BLUE lines indicate barricades and the purple circles indicate where all heck broke loose! (You can click on that sucker to see a larger view).



The problem? NOBODY CAN READ! Everyone in the right two lanes saw they were going down the EXIT ramp and panicked. Instead of paying attention to the two million signs that essentially said "Don't Panic". They lost their minds (probably too many cell phones glued to their heads). Saw they were going down the ramp and tried to all squeeze into the left lane. What this accomplished was stand still traffic, a billion cars in the left lane, me shaking my head and left me as ONE of three cars flying down the ramp and shooting well ahead of them because they were far too stupid or too busy talking to their honey to notice all the signs, including the giant electronic sign, that said to stay put and all would be fine!

Up With Stupid!

Apparently this is going to be the week for stupid. I'm not sure stupid deserves or even NEEDS its own week, but it sure seems to be starting out that way.

It all started Sunday ...

Let me first apologize for the fact that the explanation of these two events might be a little long. I know you have things to do and can't hang around here all day so I'll do my best. I just hope it's worth the wait.

So where was I, oh yeah, Sunday. We were at my daughter's softball tournament (this is a regular weekend thing so no biggie there.) We were watching her teams older counterpart (she plays 12U and we were watching the 14U team play).

The other team had a couple early calls against them that they weren't happy with. It happens. I've been around sports long enough that you are gonna get calls going your way and some against you. You are going to get an official that seems to be a complete idiot and you are gonna get good ones. It's just part of the game. There was nothing wrong with the calls this umpire made, for the record, they just happened to be against the other team.

Apparently the other team is one of those whose coaches and fans are of the belief that if they don't go home with that big trophy that the world will certainly end and nobody will like them anymore. Who cares whether the girls have fun or not. Who cares whether you look like an @SS! Sorry, enough ranting ... here it is ...

It's the other teams turn to come up to bat. Their third base coach is walking over to his spot at 3rd. About halfway to the base he makes a comment about how the umpire should learn the rules. This is where a very large gentleman sitting in front of us replies back through the fence to him. "Those are the rules!"

Now, by "large" I mean "football player / wrestler / beat the ever living crap out of you large" not the "i sit on my couch eating potato chips all day large".

Its then that the (much smaller) 3rd base coach turns and says "Why don't you shutup!"

The very large man in front of us immediately stands up and says, "Okay, that's enough of that! This is gonna stop!"

I started to see if I had any money. If there was gonna be a smackdown I was gonna try and get in on some action. Dang out of cash ...

So the big guy walks over to where the 3rd base coach is STILL running his mouth. (Keep in mind there is still a fence between them). The big guy from our bleachers says 3rd base coach needs to stop acting like a tool (I don't remember the exact words but the idea is there.)

3rd base coach looks toward home plate, points at the umpire and says, "Why don't we just go get the Umpire-In-Charge to make this STUPID FAN sit down and SHUT UP!"

The umpire calmly turns, looks at the 3rd base coach and says in a calm polite voice ... "That IS the umpire-in-charge".

O.M.G.!!!!! The coach of the other team just told the umpire-in-charge to "shutup" and called him a "stupid fan"!!!! I nearly cried I was laughing so hard!!!! Good luck protesting any calls now you moron!!!!

(I think I'll leave Monday's stupidity for tomorrow or the next day...)

I Am Canadian ...

While having a discussion the other day about stupid questions that have been asked of me I thought, you know, this would make a great blog entry. I could keep it as a list for the next person that decided they were gonna start asking me questions ... I would simply have a list of all the answers to all the stupid questions written down. Hand the person a copy and not have to deal with answering them again! So, consider this my running list. These are not in any particular order. Keep in mind I currently live in Ohio.

No, the sky is not pink (or any other color) it looks just like it does here.

Yes, there are colleges in Canada.

Yes they have a government.

When you want to know about the weather there you might be more specific about location. Don't just ask me what the weather is like today in Canada. Also, I don't sit at home watching Canadian news channels to see what the weather is going to be doing near my hometown. I barely even pay attention to Ohio weather. Canada is the 2nd largest country in the world!

Yes, Canada has trees.

No, I do NOT know your cousin/brother/uncle/aunt/sister/friends-friend/other who lives/knows someone/once visited Canada. I know there are a mere 33 million people in Canada and compared to the USA that's only a handful. Still ... give it a rest!

I do not know anything about current events in Canada. Realize I've spent almost half my life in Ohio. My permanent resident card is dated 1992. Again, I do not watch Canadian television (see above). Just for the record, also, when I talk to my parents on the phone I do NOT talk about the weather OR Canadian politics.

Speaking of weather. I am NOT used to living in frigid cold. Look at a freakin' map. There are many areas of the USA that are farther north than my hometown. And I'm not talking about Alaska here! And for all you Ohioans ... I lived on the same lake that you do !!! Yes, we have Lake Erie in common!

I know there's more but I can't think what they are right now. I sure wish I'd kept a running tally of stupid questions. Oh well hindsight ... anyway it's about time for me to get on my dogsled and mush home ... do some ice fishin' and play some hockey before calling it a night.

Oh, and to that loser car salesman trying to be funny ... it's HOSER not HOSEHEAD ... call me a hosehead again I'll likely kick your teeth in ... well ... after I eat my timbits!

You May Have Underestimated Her

Based on the phone message on our answering machine, the employees (specifically a certain manager) of the previously mentioned Skyline Chili, may have underestimated my wife. Having called the head office of the restaurant to complain about the treatment we had received, my wife ended up with a return call on the answering machine. It was quite long but I'll sum it up for you.

Sorry you had a bad experience. I will be in the area and will have a meeting with the management at that store. We will send you a gift card. If at any time you have any more trouble feel free to call me.

That is basically the summary of the extensive phone message. We did receive a second call from the admin. assistant of the person who called before to make sure we got the message and to verify where to send the gift card to. She was told that we don't really NEED a gift card, that we WILL remain customers but they insisted so we are waiting for that to come in the mail. Why am I telling you all this ... oh yeah ... the person who left the message? Get this ... the VICE-PRESIDENT of the company. Oh yeah, almost forgot .... the phone number she left us to call her at if we ever had trouble again ... the home office number? heck no ... HER CELL PHONE.

I so want to program the vice-presidents cell number in my phone, walk into the restaurant again, and at the sign of any trouble ... "Do I need to get the VP of your company on the phone? She's right here in the speed dial!" I wonder if that would get better service ... er ... maybe just more spit in my food?

Drive-thru customers are more important

Is it just me or has the fact that fast food restaurants put such a heavy weight on the amount of time a car spends in a drive-thru as a metric for determining how good their restaurant is that they've totally neglected the fact that customers inside are exactly that ... customers?!

This has become evident to me on numerous occasions ... but last night was TOTALLY obvious. We were at Skyline Chili and we had a problem. The problem was the heaping pile of fries pictured in the menu vs. the 7 fries that came in a little bowl, for which they expected us to pay $4.19

The request to see the manager was not mean and the waitress explained she would get her. We assumed that "she'll be right over" meant you know ... maybe ... she'll be right over. She never came. As we are getting near the end of our meals and getting ready to go my wife goes over to the manager instead.

It's at this point the manager explained rather rudely that she couldn't come over to see US because she was quite busy working the drive-thru. (There were 4 other employees working in the store and they were NOT busy). Apparently, paying customers eating IN the building don't matter.

Big Mac Attack

Here's the scene. In my hand I hold a coupon. I know, I know, a man with a coupon...already this story doesn't sound plausible. Just for the record the wife and kids were with me too. Wife = coupon book. So, really, I have a coupon. It says FREE Big Mac with the purchase of an Extra Value Meal.

I hand the coupon to the cashier and tell her I'd like a #1 (Big Mac Extra Value Meal).

Cashier (reads the coupon): You have to order an extra value meal.

Me (didn't I just?): Yes, a #1.

Cashier: And you want another Big Mac?

Me (isn't that what the coupon says?): Um, yeah.

Is it just me or does McDonald's need to stop making their coupons so complicated?

Say what?

Once a week on my way home I read the sign on the outside of the strip club that I pass. I read it to see what "special" day they are having on Friday. They do theme nights or celebrate someones birthday.

Yesterday as I drove past I glanced at the sign.
It read...

CASUAL FRIDAY
THIS FRIDAY

What exactly is CASUAL friday at a strip club?

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Why is it that Lunesta commercials have to tell you not to drive or operate heavy machinery if you take it? Shouldn't you be in bed?

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Being as it is cold / flu season ... this seems the perfect remedy: